Dead
by T. Alana M
Summary: It's just something else that Loki bends the rules for. A collection of oneshots of Loki and his children.
1. Dead

**Spoilers for Thor 2!**

* * *

Loki felt the Dark Elf's blade cut through him. It was sharp, hot, and painful, but most of all annoying. Loki glared at the creature.

"See you in hell, monster."

Then the creature was killed by its own explosive and Thor was next to him, looking miserable.

"I'm sorry." Loki croaked, finding it amusing that Thor became even more miserable every time he said it.

Then he died, dimly registering that his brother was throwing a fit.

* * *

Loki woke up, and grinned at the woman who glared down at him.

"Hello."

"Hello." She said unhappily.

"Am I in hell?" Loki asked, all too calmly.

"You are." She confirmed.

"Do me a favor and let me out, will you?"

Her eyes were cold and calculative, searching for a way to benefit herself. Loki felt a surge of pride. "What's in it for me?"

Alas, it was a futile effort.

"Let me out, or I will ground you and send you to live with your brother on Midgard."

"...Fine."

* * *

"No," Loki said evilly, staring after his brother. "Thank _you."_

There was a pause.

"You know," he began to no one in particular. "Thor was there when my daughter was crowned Queen of hell. Why in the world would he think that I would stay dead?"

* * *

**RnR!**


	2. One Snake Army

**Set during the Avengers.**

* * *

Being the God of Fire, Loki had always been somewhat hydrophobic. Being a jotun, he realized that his fears were completely unfounded, and water would not drown him if he had the capability to turn into a fish.

Loki stared at the ocean underneath the SHIELD helicarrier, marveling at this realization. His brother was next to him, moving closer to lock the muzzle over his mouth.

He pushed at Thor lightly with cuffed hands, "Wait." Stupidly, the other stopped.

Loki crouched precariously over the edge, close enough that he would fall if he leaned in any further. The other Avengers and the one-eyed man were making their way over, noticing that Thor was in no hurry to take his wayward brother to Asgard.

The trickster paid them no mind, his eyes locked on the glimmer of scales barely visible through the blue.

Then he took a deep breath and yelled, "Jormungand!"

SHIELD agents and Avengers alike yelled curses and took several steps backward when a monstrous reptilian head rose from the sea, stretching out effortlessly to meet the airborne helicarrier. Water rolled off its scales- -each half the size of a full-grown man- -splashing those onboard with a generous amount of salt water. Its eyes, slitted and yellow- -and as big as trucks- -blinked sluggishly, focusing on the small figure raising an entreating hand up to it.

The operatives began their attack, only to have all their best weapons bounce off the scales uselessly. All except Thor, who just stood motionlessly, gaping at the snake.

Loki was drenched to the bone, and he shuddered in disgust. He truly hated the water.

The serpent opened its mouth and let out a single, hissed word.

_Motherr..sss..._

"What the fuck did it just say?" Clint exclaimed, firing another arrow at its thick hide

"There is a snake head the size of Alaska staring at us, and you're worried that it can talk?" Steve said.

"Alright, fess up, who gave birth to Snakezilla here?" Tony yelled, slamming ineffectual metal fists onto the scaly hide.

"I may have birthed you, but I am still your father, young man!"

All eyes turned to Loki in disbelief. Loki, being Loki, ignored them.

_What isss it you want?_

"I just wanted to say hello, and apologize for the hundreds of birthdays I have missed." The serpent's parent said blithely. "Now that you have sufficiently scarred the mortals, you may leave."

_That'sss it? _At his parent's nod, the snake appeared to survey the scene, noting the handcuffs on the trickster's wrists. It snorted. _Give my regardsss to my ssisster. The way you're going, it won't be long before you ssseee herr._

"That is uncalled for." Seeming to snap out of his stupor, Thor waved at his nephew happily. Loki glared at him and turned back to his son. "And Jor? Don't forget to eat your uncle Thor at Ragnarok."

_I won't._

With that, the snake disappeared under the rolling waves.

There was a long pause.

"Why did I not just summon Jor instead of the Chitauri to conquer Midgard?" Loki asked no one in particular.

The Avengers regained their bearings and hastily muzzled the God of Chaos, shoving the Tesseract into Thor's hands and all but demanding that he take Loki away before he got any more ideas.

* * *

**RnR!**

**According to Norse Mythology, the giantess Angrboda was Jormungandr, Hela, and Fenrir's mother, but Loki was the one who gave birth to them. There is also a prophecy called Ragnarok about the apocalypse, saying that Jormungandr and Thor will kill each other, while Fenrir kills Odin.**

**In the myths, Loki's children are banished, and he can't visit any of them except Jormungand, who was cast into the ocean. But since his element was fire, he couldn't stand going near large bodies of water.**


	3. Mischief's best friend

**Set during the Avengers**

* * *

Loki was being held in the most high-tech, most secure cage SHIELD had to offer.

But Fury knew he was planning something. There was no telling what, but the god would not sit idle forever. Fury glared at the security monitor showing the hastily assembled team of powerhouses known as the Avengers. They weren't taking this seriously, refusing to work together like petty children.

"That guy's brain is a bag full of cats." Banner remarked. "I can smell crazy on him."

"Actually," Thor boomed, sounding nostalgic. "My brother prefers canines."

The rest of the team blinked at him.

"Thor, that wasn't what I meant- -" Banner started.

"We should stay focused on the task at hand- -" Rogers said at the same time.

_AWOOOO!_

What sounded like an enraged wolf howl, but about twenty times louder than the average wolf howl, cut off whatever they were going to say next. It came from the direction of Loki's cage.

The director was not amused. They were forty thousand feet high. Wolves could not sneak on board. So naturally, the culprits were either a bored Iron Man, or their special prisoner.

Fury pulled out his guns and headed to the prison, cursing up a blue streak. If this was Stark's idea of a joke, he would _kill _the billionaire.

The Avengers were already on guard. Steve had pulled on his mask and held his shield in front of him. Tony was already decked out in Iron Man gear. Natasha's guns were cocked and ready. Bruce did not have any weapons, but he was ready to Hulk out if he had to.

Thor seemed to be the only one who was unconcerned. In fact, he was grinning from ear to ear as he rushed to meet whatever had made that howl.

* * *

Agents, Avengers, and Fury stopped dead at the sight before them.

Loki was lying on the ground, looking somewhere between fond and exasperated.

Lying on top of him was a giant mass of fur, filling up the entire cage.

"What the actual hell?" Fury exclaimed.

"That is a giant wolf." Steve said blankly.

Natasha stared impassively, but she was cooing inside. It was cute! She wondered if she could keep it as a pet...

"Prisoners of state are not allowed pets!" Maria Hill yelled.

Loki looked offended. "Fenrir is not a mere pet."

The wolf, nearly ten times the sorcerer's size, had him pinned down and was licking his face happily, letting out joyful doggie barks.

"Fenrir!" Thor boomed, dropping Mjolnir and rushing to the cage. Fenrir howled excitedly and bounded over to the glass, staring down at the asgardian.

"I have missed you, nephew! How did you come to be here?"

"He was worried for his father." Loki answered amusedly, not making any effort to get up. "My son thought I was dead, you see."

"Wait, wait, wait." Tony said, cutting through Thor's exclamation of 'We _all _thought you were dead!'. "This giant-ass wolf...is your son."

"Yes."

"You...fathered a giant-ass wolf."

"Fathered and birthed," the trickster agreed.

Tony stared. And stared some more. Next to him, Bruce felt his brain break.

"Brother, you did not call Fenrir here?" Thor inquired.

Just then, there was an explosion that rocked the Helicarrier.

"No." Loki said, looking thoughtful. "But I suppose extra help would not hurt. It seems like the Hawk has finally arrived. Fenrir, get me out of here and eat everyone."

* * *

**Because Loki would totally do that. **

**And about Fenrir, Loki got impregnated after eating his lover's burned heart.**

**RnR!**


	4. A horse's pedigree

**No specific timeline**

* * *

Thor was an idiot. He fumed as he pulled the cloak closer around him to disguise the distinctly Jotun blue tint that had been forming in this blasted weather.

It was one of those rare occasions where Loki was let out of prison to fix Thor's messes. If _that _didn't show that Thor was a complete imbecile, he didn't know what would.

This time, Thor had made a rash bet to a Frost Giant, putting something that was no doubt precious on the line. Loki hadn't been told what it was. To prevent him from stealing it himself, most likely.

The only reason he actually needed to be here, on a planet he had tried to annihilate not five years ago, was because his brother had agreed to a horse race. It made sense, therefore, to use the fastest horse at their disposal.

Unfortunately, that horse had outright refused to help, turning in a huff and kicking at Thor when he attempted to saddle it. Even Odin couldn't get the stallion to listen.

So that was why the golden haired prince had let him out of his (actually rather comfortable, but most importantly _warm_) cell. To play babysitter to a stubborn equine who would only listen to him.

Thor was an idiot

"Your steed may have an impressive number of legs, Asgardian, but ours is a purebred Jotun steed! Fathered by the legendary stallion Falhofnir and birthed by the great mare Gisl!" The Frost Giant bragged.

"Well," Thor began angrily, and Loki could feel the alarm bells going off in his head as his brother grabbed him by the shoulder and patted the horse with his free hand.

"Our steed is half-_Jotun!"_

Thor was an utter _idiot, _Loki reflected as he kicked his brother's shin and glared at a snickering Sleipnir.

* * *

**RnR!**


	5. Trolololoki

**Set during the Avengers**

* * *

"You want me to put the hammer down?" Thor roared, batting Tony away. He swung at Steve, who tensed, but before he hit his target, a mass of..._something _slammed into him and knocked him backwards.

Thor righted himself and stared at the creature. It was large and fat, belly protruding above sagging trousers. Its misshapen face peered at his own and it waved a large club around aimlessly.

Two more creatures appeared from the trees.

"What the hell are those?" Tony yelled.

"I-I think they're trolls? I read about them in myths" Steve opted for the more diplomatic approach. He walked up to the leader. "Um, we're terribly sorry for trespassing in your woods. We promise to fix all the damage and- -"

The troll didn't even look at him, instead turning its face up to the jagged cliffs. Thor followed its gaze and glared at his brother, who had yet to move.

But the look on Loki's face told Thor that he wasn't involved in the appearance of the creatures. He almost seemed rooted to the spot in horror.

Then the three trolls attacked the mountain, clambering up at high speeds.

And shouting "DADDY!" at the top of their lungs.

* * *

"Brother," Thor began as Loki meekly followed them to the helicarrier, looking embarrassed and worse for wear.

"What the _hel_ did you fuck this time?"

Loki's response did not ease Thor's nerves in the least.

"Leave my daughter out of this!"

* * *

**In Norse mythology, Loki literally gave birth to trolls XD**

**RnR!**


End file.
